Getting turned on and having great sex is unique for each of us. The many sexual wellness experts I’ve interviewed throughout my career have told me that sexual excitement, pleasure, and eroticism aren’t implicit. My education came way later.) I used to think sex was simple math: a willing me + a willing partner = fun foreplay and orgasms! Additionally, I used to believe I never needed to explore how to get in the mood. (I was ‘taught’ little about sex, as I bet you can relate. I’ve been fascinated by sex-and pleasure and intimacy-for the past several years because I’ve learned it’s more nuanced than what I’d learned early on. There’s no magic switch-it’s a deeper, longer game. The same goes for when we want to get in the mood. We express the deeper DNA of our present feelings between the sheets. The same goes for when we’re down, stressed, tired, sad, excited, anxious, or happy. If we’re on top of the world, that confidence impacts our eroticism and pleasure. Whether we have sex or not, our sexual self is a barometer for how we feel.
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